Friday, October 10, 2008

Do You Want to Play Air...Um...Air?

IF YOU THINK PLAYING GUITAR HERO IS SAD, because it's not a real instrument and because it's just a dumb toy that anyone, regardless of musical talent, can play...I would like to introduce you to Beamz, the saddest device yet created.

Before you watch the MOST EMBARRASSING VIDEO ON THE PLANET, you should be warned: Watching this video may cause intense sadness and a palpable decrease in your will to live. You cannot watch this video and be unmoved. And unfortunately, the only way this video can move you is toward depression and despair. Now...begin:



Isn't that awesome! You can "jam" with your friends! Or should it be "friendz"? Going to the Beamz website only increases the sadness. The cost of "jamming" alone to generically created song loops is $400, which means that the two douchebagz who were totally rocking out together, shelled out nearly a grand to do so.

But your $400 gets you the Beamz system, the software and a music library of "30 original works in a variety of musical genres including rock, jazz, blues, reggae, country, hip hop, Latin and classical." So you can rock out to such awesome songz as "Noizscape," "Got Beatz," Good Ol' Boy," " Jack-n-the-Beamz" (there are a lot of things spelled with Z's here).

If you want to expand your library of songs, the Beamz website offers 28 other songs at the awesome cost of $1.99 apiece. And let's face it, who wouldn't want to pay two bucks each for generic jamz like "Get'n Chilly," "Boogaloop," "Chronic Tronic," "Funk Doctor," "Phresh" and "Rock Da Haus"? For $2.99, you can add "hit songz" (this time, the Z is all theirs, I did not add it for comic effect). Beamz offers a wide variety (18 songs) including Kanye West's "Good Life", Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl" and "Funkytown" by Lipps, Inc. Sure, five of those 18 songs are "in the style of" jamz, not the actual songz at all. But maybe you're this guy...



Yeah, if you're that guy, is the integrity of the music really gonna matter? Probably not.

4 comments:

Greta said...

Oh my goodness! Now I know what sober people do on the weekends...I've always pondered this...

Somewhere those guitar hero creators are sharing a bong and laughing their asses off.

Steven said...

It is so embarrassing. I have to keep watching it over and over, though.

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