Spam Eighteen: Barely Legal

SPARK IT, PEOPLE! It’s 4:20 on the Chart! Big Buddha Bud has returned after a fifteen week absence. Where has this “legal pot” been all that time? My guess is either Burning Man or Amsterdam. Of course, Buddha Bud is totally legal, right? I mean, why wouldn’t it be? So, go ahead, stoners, click on that link. What’s the worst that could happen? Other than identity theft, that is.

Also back, after a briefer absence, are Human Growth Hormones and Pheromones, although just barely, with three total emails between ‘em. And new to the Chart this week is This Letter Contains A Virus, which intrigued me with its honesty even while it assured me that the aforementioned virus had been "successfully detected and cured.” Yes, cured. That’s what you do to computer viruses now, you cure them.

Having dropped down to only two spams this week, WonderCum officially earned itself absorption back into the monolith that is Boner Medication. And that's 2 out of a record-setting week 1367 emails -- one-tenth of one percent, an embarrassing number for a Boner email. A month ago, it seemed so promising, like WonderCum might be another MegaDick or the new VPXL. But WonderCum never inspired wonder, and its girth only topped out at 36 emails (3.7% of Week Sixteen’s Chart total). So goodbye WonderCum, we hardly knew ye.

Call it, Chart-o!

SPAM WATCH WEEK EIGHTEEN
1367 emails
BMS = 34% (up 1%)

((1/1)) -- 465 Boner Medication (186 VPXL, 23 Viagra/Cialis)
((2/3)) -- 265 Luxury Replica Watches/Purses
((3/2)) -- 162 Canadian/Online Pharmacy
((4/7)) -- 91 Online Casino
((5/4)) -- 75 We Will Approve Your Loan
((6/6)) -- 58 OEM Software
((7/11)) -- 50 Buy Designer Footwear
((8/10)) -- 41 Some Sex Related Zip File Attached
((9/8)) -- 39 Earn Your Degree
((10/5)) -- 36 Say Goodbye to Debt
((11/17)) -- 16 Stop Smoking
((12/16)) -- 14 Weight Loss (Anatrim/Phentermine/Hoodia)
((13/9)) -- 13 Inspecific “Look at this!”
((14/12)) -- 10 Open Your Funny Postcard/E-Card
((15/20)) -- 8 Improve Your Health
((16/15)) -- 7 Validate Your Identity (2 Corporate One, 2 Wachovia)
((17/12)) -- 6 Would You Like to Chat & See My Pics?
((18/--)) -- 4 Legal Pot/Big Buddha Bud!
((19/14)) -- 3 Foreign Gibberish (1 German)
((20/--)) -- 2 Job Offer/Employee Search
((20/--)) -- 2 Human Growth Hormone
((22/--)) -- 1 Pheromones
((22/--)) -- 1 This Letter Contains A Virus

KEY:
BMS = Boner Medication Saturation
((this week's rank/last week's rank))
-- = new to the chart this week

Spam Seventeen: The Spam Is Not Enough!

WHO NEEDS SOME "CRAPS SUPPLIES"? Apparently, I do. Also I need to be concerned about my "babymaker", whether it is "smallsize" or not in its "best shape". What's not "smallsize" this week is the total number of spam emails, up 28% from last week to 1226, the biggest intake yet.

Pheromones and Human Growth Hormone dropped off the Chart this week (HGH actually dropped off a week ago). It is the first week since we began that neither has been represented on the Chart. And I’ve decided that WonderCum is a disappointment and not worth separate tracking. This week may mark its last on the Chart. New and notable to the Chart, the sudden influx of Sex Related Zip Files, debuting at #10.

These aren't the Charts you've been looking for...move along.

SPAM WATCH WEEK SEVENTEEN
1226 emails
BMS = 33% (down 7%)

((1/1)) -- 404 Boner Medication (101 VPXL, 24 Viagra/Cialis, 19 WonderCum)
((2/3)) -- 254 Canadian/Online Pharmacy
((3/2)) -- 226 Luxury Replica Watches/Purses
((4/4)) -- 64 We Will Approve Your Loan
((5/8)) -- 50 Say Goodbye to Debt
((6/7)) -- 42 OEM Software
((7/16)) -- 38 Online Casino
((8/9)) -- 26 Earn Your Degree
((9/6)) -- 24 Inspecific “Look at this!”
((10/--)) -- 23 Some Sex Related Zip File Attached
((11/5)) -- 14 Buy Designer Footwear
((12/13)) -- 11 Would You Like to Chat & See My Pics?
((12/11)) -- 11 Open Your Funny Postcard/E-Card
((14/13)) -- 9 Foreign Gibberish (1 German)
((15/11)) -- 8 Validate Your Identity (7 CitiBusiness, PayPal)
((16/17)) -- 7 Weight Loss (Anatrim/Hoodia/Phentermine)
((17/10)) -- 6 Stop Smoking
((18/--)) -- 3 Job Offer/Employee Search
((18/--)) -- 3 Best 3-D Screen Saver
((20/13)) -- 1 Improve Your Health
((20/--)) -- 1 Stock News
((20/--)) -- 1 Bank Scam (Hong Kong business project)

KEY:
BMS = Boner Medication Saturation
((this week's rank/last week's rank))
-- = new to the chart this week

Spam Sixteen: Havana Nights

A SURPRISING DIP of 200 emails this week! That's a 20% drop since just last week! It can only be explained by a hole in the Spam-o-sphere. It's the next big thing Al Gore is writing a book and making a movie about, I'm sure.

Hey, don't forget to "show her your pants monster!"

All your Chart belong to us!

SPAM WATCH WEEK SIXTEEN
957 emails
BMS = 40% (up 7%)

((1/1)) -- 380 Boner Medication (88 VPXL, 43 Viagra/Cialis, 36 WonderCum)
((2/4)) -- 158 Luxury Replica Watches/Purses
((3/2)) -- 145 Canadian/Online Pharmacy
((4/3)) -- 50 We Will Approve Your Loan
((5/5)) -- 42 Buy Designer Footwear
((6/7)) -- 39 Inspecific “Look at this!”
((7/6)) -- 37 OEM Software
((8/9)) -- 31 Say Goodbye to Debt
((9/10)) -- 11 Earn Your Degree
((10/15)) -- 10 Stop Smoking
((11/11)) -- 9 Validate Your Identity (4 CitiBusiness, 3 Fifth Third Bank)
((11/--)) -- 9 Open Your Funny Postcard/E-Card
((13/11)) -- 7 Would You Like to Chat & See My Pics?
((13/14)) -- 7 Improve Your Health
((13/13)) -- 7 Foreign Gibberish
((16/8)) -- 6 Online Casino
((17/16)) -- 5 Weight Loss/Anatrim/Hoodia
((18/17)) -- 3 Pheromones
((19/--)) -- 1 Luxury Cell Phones

KEY:
BMS = Boner Medication Saturation
((this week's rank/last week's rank))
-- = new to the chart this week

Spam Fifteen: Electric Spamaloo

HAVE YOU HEARD about "those crazy japaneses girls"? Apparently there's "2 japanese 1 finger." I'm not sure if that's supposed to be sexy or tragic.

While we bid goodbye (apparently forever) to MegaDick, the spam that started it all, we say hello this week to WonderCum. A strong showing of 31 emails for WonderCum, but not really enough to challenge VPXL...yet. We'll wait and see what wonders are in store.

Before we get to the Chart, I want you to know that you can "make women can't keep their hands off you." And also that "the secret to popping more cherries is out now." So don't forget to "upsize your dick today. You and your almighty rod of pleasure."

Make Chart go now!

SPAM WATCH WEEK FIFTEEN
1198 emails
BMS = 33% (down 2%)

((1/1)) -- 399 Boner Medication (82 VPXL, 60 Viagra/Cialis, 31 WonderCum)
((2/2)) -- 259 Canadian/Online Pharmacy
((3/4)) -- 81 We Will Approve Your Loan
((4/3)) -- 175 Luxury Replica Watches/Purses
((5/6)) -- 62 Buy Designer Footwear
((6/8)) -- 42 OEM Software
((7/9)) -- 37 Inspecific “Look at this!”
((8/5)) -- 30 Online Casino
((9/7)) -- 24 Say Goodbye to Debt
((10/18)) -- 14 Earn Your Degree
((11/10)) -- 13 Would You Like to Chat & See My Pics?
((11/15)) -- 13 Validate Your Identity (6 CitiBusiness, 3 Fifth Third Bank)
((13/14)) -- 11 Foreign Gibberish (3 German)
((14/11)) -- 9 Improve Your Health
((15/12)) -- 8 Stop Smoking
((16/13)) -- 7 Weight Loss/Anatrim/Hoodia
((17/17)) -- 5 Pheromones
((18/16)) -- 4 Human Growth Hormone
((19/--)) -- 3 Better Than Flowers or Chocolate
((20/19)) -- 1 Job Offer/Employee Search
((20/--)) -- 1 Download Your Free Cookbook

KEY:
BMS = Boner Medication Saturation
((this week's rank/last week's rank))
-- = new to the chart this week

Spam Fourteen: The Death of MegaDick

IT'S OFFICIAL: MEGADICK IS GONE. After two consecutive weeks off the chart, I am officially calling an end to MegaDick's Chart tyranny. Goodbye, MegaDick...and good luck. We may be seeing a new champion rise, however, as WonderCum appears to be filling the void. I'll track those emails next week and see what's what.

In five weeks, the spam intake as doubled. Which is a little startling, because as of Week Nine, I was receiving just under a hundred spam emails a day. Now, I'm getting closer to two hundred. And that's a bit much. The big surprise is that while the total emails have doubled, the Boner Meds have stayed at about the same number. Thus, the declining BMS over the last month.

All the ladies in the house say "Chart!"

SPAM WATCH WEEK FOURTEEN
1130 emails
BMS = 35% (up 3%)

((1/1)) -- 391 Boner Medication (85 VPXL, 41 Viagra/Cialis, 0 MegaDick)
((2/2) -- 165 Canadian/Online Pharmacy
((3/3)) -- 145 Luxury Replica Watches/Purses
((4/4)) -- 110 We Will Approve Your Loan
((5/5)) -- 88 Online Casino
((6/6)) -- 41 Buy Shoes
((7/7)) -- 38 Say Goodbye to Debt
((8/9)) -- 35 OEM Software
((9/8)) -- 19 Inspecific “Look at this!”
((10/13)) -- 15 Would You Like to Chat & See My Pics?
((11/19)) -- 12 Improve Your Health
((12/15)) -- 11 Stop Smoking
((13/17)) -- 10 Weight Loss/Anatrim/Hoodia
((14/9)) -- 9 Foreign Gibberish (0 German)
((15/13)) -- 8 Validate Your Identity (4 CitiBusiness, 2 PayPal)
((16/19)) -- 7 Human Growth Hormone
((17/17)) -- 6 Pheromones
((18/12)) -- 5 Earn Your Degree
((19/16)) -- 4 Job Offer/Employee Search
((20/11)) -- 3 Valentine’s Day Related
((20/--)) -- 3 Fake Greeting Card (1 Fake Hallmark Notification)
((22/--)) -- 1 Bank Scam (Hong Kong business project)
((22/--)) -- 1 Something About the Bible
((22/--)) -- 1 IRS Notification of Tax Refund
((22/--)) -- 1 All Kinds of Embroideries!
((22/--)) -- 1 Buy Life Insurance

KEY:
BMS = Boner Medication Saturation
((this week's rank/last week's rank))
-- = new to the chart this week