Just Got Back From Costco

I THOUGHT I'D STOCK UP on newborn babies. I got all different flavors.



Let me know if you need one, I've got plenty.

Cause & Effect

THE PROBLEM IS AS FOLLOWS. First the pandas did this:



And I don't know what that is exactly, but it is certainly unnatural. Also, They did it in front of the children (who are our future, if you'll recall). Which is totally unacceptable, even if they're doing it in the snow, in a zoo. Whatever that is, it's definitely NOT a learning experience. It might be adorable. But I'm pretty sure it's still wrong.

Why do I think that?

Oh, I'll tell you why. Because after the pandas did that, this happened:



See? Let that be a lesson to all you zoo animals. Keep it clean and wholesome. Cut out the freaky stuff. Especially in China. Where you will be jailed for your aberrant shit faster than you can say "there's melamine in my cat food!"

According to the lastest news, the pandas are scheduled to be executed within the week.

Do Not Panic, People...

BUT MARTHA STEWART MIGHT WANT TO EAT YOUR CHILDREN.



Babies DO make adorable holiday dishes though. You have to admit.

Sorry For The Delay...

I KNOW THAT I NORMALLY HAVE MY SPAM CHART UP by Tuesdays, and that it is already Wednesday. I also know that I will not be able to post the Chart even today, because of the TV festival. And for that I apologize to all three of you who look forward to my Spam Chart.

But I didn't want to leave you empty-handed today, so I am at least posting this picture of a cat in a cup.



Enjoy in moderation.

Well, I Knew They Weren't Born...

THE INTERNET IS AN EXCELLENT SOURCE OF ACCURATE INFO, as everyone knows. And I don't just mean Wikipedia. There's also random people's websites filled with all kinds of great information, like how the planes didn't really fly into the World Trade Center on 9/11 and how the towers were brought down intentionally by demolitions experts.

It's so simple people! The clues are all there! Never mind that logic tells you that theory MUST be bonkers. Never mind that! Ignore that! What did logic ever do for you anyway, huh?

With accuracy like that all over the Interweb, it should come as no surprise to anyone, that YouTube has the lowdown on Jews.



Now, I haven't watched this video yet. But I am excited that I can "do it myself"! I've always wanted to build a Jew, but I just didn't know where to start.

Thank you, YouTube! And thank you, too, Internets! How did I ever get along without you?

Hi Ho The Dairy Oh!

AS IT IS, DONKEYS DON'T GET MUCH RESPECT. They're not as handsome or as graceful as ponies. Their cry doesn't sound heroic, like a horse's whinny can. Instead, when they speak, it sounds like a pubescent teenager trying to talk tough, with a wheeze and a hiccup and a crack of the voice. They have stubby legs and -- let's face it -- a slightly retarded look about them.

Poor guys. Life hasn't been terribly kind to them. Do they really need to suffer further indignities? (And, no, I am not talking about having Eddie Murphy as the de facto spokesdonkey for all donkeys.) The indignity I speak of is this:



Look at that poor guy. It might be the most heartbreaking photo I've ever seen. A donkey in a well. Oh dear. And then to photograph him. Look at the look on his face. It's like, "Yes, I know. I've done something stupid. Must you really document it? Must you?"

The good news is he was rescued from the well and was not seriously injured.

The bad news? He's still a donkey. And now he's also famous for getting stuck in a well. That will definitely not help him score with the ladies. Not a chance in hell.

Classic Confrontation

ADORABLE FAT-FACED BABY VS. THE CHEERIO: It really is the classic confrontation. You'd think a baby would have a distinct advantage over the tiny, defenseless Cheerio. But you'd be wrong, friend. Oh yes, you'd be wrong.

Not Steve Potato After All

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME to this website and to the Drake/Molyneux household....Mr. Andy Chang!!

We've had him about a month now, and he couldn't be more in love with our other cat Myrna. She, on the other hand, really doesn't want much to do with him. I guess it's to be expected. She's older; 15 to be exact. So the 14-year age difference, when translated from cat years into human years, makes the two of them something like Betty White and Frankie Muniz; an unlikely comedy duo, and even less likely as a couple.

Many people have asked where we came up with the name. Well, it's simple. Like most people, when we decided to get a cat, we first came up with the potential names, narrowing it down to two: Steve Potato (or the variant Potato Steve) and Mr. Chang. Once at the pet adoption fair, Wendy was immediately drawn to Andy, the first cat we saw (and, as it turns out, the best). And who could blame her. He was adorable and looked so sad, shivering there in his cage. Because he was black and white, like a panda, Wendy really thought he should be named Andy. (A better choice than Police Cruiser or Newspaper, for sure.) I held fast on the pre-naming idea. And since Andy Steve Potato just sounded ridiculous, we settled on Mr. Andy Chang. As a bonus, Andy has half a Hitler mustache, making him a half-Kitler. For full-out Kitlers, please visit CatsThatLookLikeHitler.com.

It's a good place to waste an hour or two.