Yatta Explained

IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED what Hiro from "Heroes" was talking about when he yelled, "Yatta!" Then I think this video might help you.

Of course, sometimes the answer only raises more questions.



The lyrics are hilariously positive and include such gems as:

We're doin' great in college!
Made president at our jobs!

And...

Long as we've one leaf on, we're doin' fine!
We're all together, it's a happy time!

And...

I drink water that's tasty! "Alright!"
I get in the sun and feel toasty! "Alright!"
Havin' a belly laugh's fun! "Alright! Alright!"
Try keeping dogs--they're cute! "Alright!"

So true...so true.



{Thanks to my nephew Joe for the links.}

Watch Where You Put Your Probe Fingers

IT'S KIND OF A PERFECT STORM SITUATION. I mean, any headline that begins "Probe Fingers" is already worth a chuckle. But when you add American Apparel and a picture of underwear. Underwear, AP? Really? Well that, my friends, is genius.



We all had heard how sexual harassment was rampant at American Apparel. But I had no idea that nearly two thousand workers had been subjected to "probe fingers." Glad the government is all over this.

A Kentucky Surprise!

WHAT CRITERIA DO I USE TO DECIDE what goes on this blog and what does not? Well, it may surprise you to discover that I actually choose NOT to put some things on here.

It's true.

But this ad just begged for inclusion.



Even if it wasn't for a shooting range. Even if it just had the sexy preggo lady in her underwear and veil. Even then, I think I would have put it up. (Just so I have a companion piece for this post.) But as it is, it's really the perfect storm of awesomeness. It's from Kentucky. It's from an apparently popular bachelor/ette party destination. And it tries to have fun with the concept of "shotgun weddings" by basically saying you can really include a shotgun in your wedding! Or at least in your bachelor/ette party!

Oh fun!

Here's another soothing image from the Open Range web site.



Fuck yeah! You're right! I am about to throw the party of the year! It's a murder party! Oh shit yeah! Please make sure you RSVP, I put a deposit on the room. And those people are real dicks about refunds.

Thank you.

Wonder Pants

THERE WAS A TIME THAT THIS SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA. I'm sure there was. There must have been, right? That all you needed to do was put on some specialized piece of clothing and -- VOILA! -- the weight would disappear!

That had to be the thinking behind the Wonder Sauna Hot Pants. Why go to a sauna when you can wear one? And be stylish at the same time! Can you think of any better way to reduce your waist, tummy, hips and thighs? If you are one of the "health-watchers of America", whom these pants seem directed at, then there is no better way to "look better -- feel better -- wake up your body!"

Not convinced yet? What if I told you that the Wonder Sauna Hot Pants would help you "slenderize where you want"? (Provided what you wanted to slenderize was your waist, tummy, hips and thighs. Simultaneously.) What if I told you there were easy to inflate? And that they were one size fits all?

Still not convinced? Well, just look at the models. Look how comfortable and sexy they look. Have you ever seen a woman more comfortable in a chair than the model wearing the Wonder Sauna Hot Pants?

I know I haven't.

The Funny Ladies of Funny-ness

I AM SICK AND TIRED of people telling me there are no great comedic actresses any more. To those people, I can only say, "Have you been to a movie lately? Have you even seen a preview lately?" I would posit that we are, in fact, in The Golden Age of Female Comedy.

Disagree with me? What about Jessica Alba, huh? Explain that, genius! In Good Luck Chuck, Jessica falls into a pond AND runs into a light pole! Funny! Also, she knocks a table over spilling stuff onto Dane Cook’s lap! I’m talking, like, ice water…on his man parts! Can you imagine the shrinkage? How funny is that shit!? For further proof, I have posted a hilarious picture of Jessica Alba.

Also, there’s that blonde lady in the new Ben Stiller film The Heartbreak Kid. At first, I was skeptical. I’m no idiot. I don’t just naturally assume an actress is hilarious JUST because she’s hot. So when I saw the first trailers for the film, I wasn’t certain this blonde lady would fall over or knock something breakable off a table. It was like the filmmakers were teasing me. “How could this be a comedy,” I wondered, “if she doesn’t stumble around?” My fears, it turns out, were ill-founded. In later trailers, the new blonde lady falls. Oh boy does she! She falls off a CLIFF! Taller = farther distance = bigger laughs! I don’t even know the lady’s name, but I’m already convinced that she is a comedic genius.

And let's not forget Kate Hudson in How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days! She’s got comedy pedigree. Her mom is Goldie Hawn (Laugh-In, Foul Play, Private Benjamin) and her dad is Bill Hudson (The Hudson Brothers Razzle Dazzle Show). And how did she turn that genetic goldmine into comedy? By falling down and knocking stuff over. A lot! Have you seen that movie? Every ten minutes or so Kate Hudson is tripping or stumbling or knocking something over. In short, she is reminding us how funny she is. And don’t even get me started on the awkward dancing.

Awkward dancing is the other way to tell if you’re in the company of a great comedienne. Think of Cameron Diaz in Charlie’s Angels! She dances awkwardly AND she’s clumsy.

But I’m leaving out the most important tool on the comedic actress’s tool belt: being smokin’ hot AND nearly naked! Because there’s nothing funnier than a hot chick in her underwear. Like the aforementioned awkward dancing in Charlie's Angels. Or that moment in Good Luck Chuck where Jessica Alba gets her skirt torn off accidentally, exposing her cute underwear. Man! I mean, if that’s not comedy, maybe I don’t know what comedy is.

So, please, spare me the belly-aching, lady actors! If you're complaining that there are no great comedic actresses out there, maybe you're just jealous. Also, maybe you're just not hot enough to be funny. Did you ever think of that?

I didn't think so.