The Unicorn Solution

AFTER A LOT OF SEARCHING I finally found the perfect illustration for the troubles facing President Obama currently. Yes, the problems are complex and yes he is facing an uphill battle. But I believed that a well-trained graphic designer or artist could probably pull it all together in a simple, clear picture.

I was right.



Wow. That totally says it all, doesn't it?

Bear Attack!

SAME THING HAPPENED to a friend of mine in West Hollywood.



{From this place via this place.}

Panda Attack!

I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO SAY ABOUT THIS. But I felt it needed to be shared.



Consider it a warning. Stay away from pandas.

Mommy, What Are the Animals Doing?

WATCH AND BE DISTURBED. You might think it's a short film about how animals love orgies and orange drink. But it's actually a French ad for Orangina. Whatever the case, you should watch it and then try to describe it to someone else. It's harder than you think.



Thank you, Videogum, for giving me nightmares for the rest of my life.

Your New Favorite Bear

SOMEONE HAD TO INVENT HIM. It wasn't me. But I sort of wish it had been.



Click for a larger image, and also so you can read the even more confusing small print.

You're welcome, America.

You're Bearly in the Black!

JUST SAW THIS CURIOUS AD while on The Futon Critic. Which really helped me understand my credit score.

But what I don't understand is why all of the bears are smiling. Even the Poor Credit Bear is smiling in that "what's up?" sort of way. He's green, the color of "go", the color of money, and for some reason that's bad. Okay, whatever. But why the smile, dude? Isn't it bad enough that my credit is total suck-town? What the fuck does that guy know that I don't?

Also, why's his smile exactly the same as the Good Credit Bear and the Fair Credit Bear? Shouldn't the various bears' expressions tell me something about my credit? Or are they all just smiling because they've had unfettered access to my personal information and now they've totally got me by the balls. Maybe they're also drunk. The more I look at those guys, the less I trust them. And the more I think they're probably high, not drunk. They do look a little like the Grateful Dead bears. Oh yeah, they're fuckin' high, man. Probably trippin' too.

A final question: Why is red the color of Excellent Credit? Red, the color of warning -- as in "a red flag", "code red" or "my spending is out of control; I'm always in the red." So, red is excellent now? I'm not sure that makes much sense. I guess it shouldn't surprise me though. Of course a bunch of stoned bears think red is a good color, they're stoned!