Spam Twenty-Seven: Spam Another Day

THE WEIRD THING IS how relieved I am that my spam count is back up over 1,000. In fact, this week it jumped 229 emails to just under 1,200. Before I started keeping track of spam, I hated the amount I got. I was annoyed at the deluge. But now, when the number drops, I get a little worried. Like a close friend has left town. Don’t go away, spam! I need you!

The most notable email this week was one with the subject line of “Best.” Inside, all it said was “Your life is crap.”

Wow. It didn’t even offer a solution. It was like opening a fortune cookie and getting not a fortune but one of those lame, “You are a happy person” fortunes. I’m not sure the sender of that particular spam understands how advertising works. You’re supposed to create a problem...and then solve it. Not just create a problem.

Unless the sender of that spam reads these columns and has, therefore, deduced that, if I spend a few hours a week counting the spam and writing about it that my life must actually be crap.

I mean, that’s pretty harsh, but it may not be unwarranted.

Now, say hello to my little Chart!

SPAM WATCH WEEK TWENTY-SEVEN
1199 emails
BMS = 36% (up 5%)

((1/1)) -- 430 Boner Medication (102 Viagra/Cialis, 91 VPXL, 36 MaxGain, 6 LNH Solutions/LNH Maxdik, 5 WonderCum, 3 Megadik)
((2/2)) -- 277 Luxury Replica Watches/Purses
((3/3)) -- 222 Canadian/Online Pharmacy
((4/9)) -- 65 Buy Designer Footwear
((5/5)) -- 45 OEM Software
((6/7)) -- 34 Inspecific “Look at this!”
((7/6)) -- 29 Earn Your Degree
((8/11)) -- 18 Online Casino
((9/10)) -- 17 Weight Loss (Anatrim/Phentermine/Hoodia)
((10/12)) -- 10 Validate Your Identity (2 PayPal, 2 eBay, 2 Colonial Bank)
((11/13)) -- 9 Improve Your Health
((11/7)) -- 9 Foreign Gibberish
((11/16)) -- 9 Human Growth Hormone
((14/18)) -- 7 Stop Smoking
((15/14)) -- 6 Pheromones
((16/19)) -- 4 Online Dating Site
((17/4)) -- 3 Fake Returned Mail
((18/--)) -- 2 New Adult Site
((18/--)) -- 2 Bank Scam (Million Euro Email Sweepstakes, Hong Kong Business Proposal)
((20/--)) -- 1 Trackstick GPS

KEY:
BMS = Boner Medication Saturation
((this week's rank/last week's rank))
-- = new to the chart this week