Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Spam Forty: Pour It on the Curb

CAN WE PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT BRITNEY’S VAGINA! If I am to believe my spam (and why wouldn’t I?) the world was a-buzz with news about Britney Spears’ magical lady-place. Here’s a small sampling of the Britney vagina-related emails I got during this record-setting week (over 1,900 spams).
Britney’s vagina to attend AA on its own
Britney sues vagina for divorce
Britney vagina transplant to erase fools’ memory syndrome
Britney Spears admits "My vagina made me shave my head bald"

Even sans vagina, Britney was up to no good.
Britney steals Jamie Lynn’s fetus
Britney Spears applies for Barack Obama masseuse job
Britney Spears confession: “I’m the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s Baby!”

In other news, I still receive one (and only one) email a week addressed to “Hey, cat dick!” You know what that means...

Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together…Chart hysteria!

SPAM WATCH WEEK FORTY
1,923 emails
BMS = 30% (down 4%)

((1/1)) -- 584 Boner Medication (155 VPXL, 82 Viagra/Cialis, 27 Penis Patch, 19 MaxGain, 19 Megadik, 14 WonderCum, 13 LNH Maxdik, 8 PowerEnlarge, 4 Erectifix)
((2/2)) -- 403 Canadian/Online Pharmacy
((3/3)) -- 323 Luxury Replica Watches/Purses
((4/4)) -- 178 Get Out Of Debt/Loan Approval
((5/7)) -- 101 Some Celebrity Sex Related Link or Zip File (39 Paris, 33 Britney, 18 Angelina, 3 Lohan)
((6/10)) -- 48 Online Casino
((7/8)) -- 38 Weight Loss (Anatrim/Hoodia)
((8/5)) -- 36 Inspecific “Look at this!”
((8/9)) -- 36 Pheromones
((10/12)) -- 29 OEM Software
((11/11)) -- 28 Human Growth Hormone
((12/15)) -- 19 Stop Smoking
((13/20)) -- 13 Foreign Gibberish
((14/19)) -- 12 Validate Your Identity (8 SunTrust)
((15/13)) -- 11 Improve Your Health
((16/22)) -- 10 Earn Your Degree
((16/--)) -- 10 Please Watch This Non-Celebrity Sex Video
((18/23)) -- 8 Job Offer/Employee Search
((19/--)) -- 7 Buy Designer Footwear
((19/--)) -- 7 Why Not Open This Mysterious Zip File?
((21/14)) -- 6 Olympic Themed Spam
((21/17)) -- 6 Online Dating Site
((23/--)) -- 4 Pain Relief
((24/--)) -- 2 You Won a Suspicious Foreign Lottery!
((25/20)) -- 1 Free Dowloadable Porn DVDs
((25/23)) -- 1 Hong Kong Bank Scam
((25/--)) -- 1 Electronic Products Wholesale
((25/--)) -- 1 Bigger or Better Boobs

KEY:
BMS = Boner Medication Saturation
((this week's rank/last week's rank))
-- = new to the chart this week

2 comments:

Greta said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Greta said...

I know what Brittney is going through.

I tried to divorce my vagina once too.

She wanted me to go to AA with her! Can you believe that?

We're in therapy now.

I guess I'm trying to say it's just nice to know I'm not alone.