THIS IS MAYBE THE BEST THING since The Shining mash-up.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Tournament Agenda
AFTER WATCHING FOUR DAYS OF NCAA BASKETBALL, I'm wondering if the announcers maybe have some ulterior agenda. The color commentary this year seems a little more off-color than usual. Here are just four examples:
- I know how much you love a big man with good hands.
- He will get up in you.
- He does fill it up though.
- Banged by Fields from the rear.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
How To Kill Someone
IT'S A VERY SIMPLE PROCESS. All you need is a jeep, an abandoned road, a blow-up doll,a red pickup truck, a machine gun, a skateboard and a bazooka. Oh wait, you also need "some heavy doobies."
Monday, March 16, 2009
Maybe You Want to Rephrase That?
SO, PORN STAR JENNA JAMESON GAVE BIRTH TO TWINS. And that is great news. Seriously.
But here's the thing: If you're a former porn star, you may want to watch what you say regarding the life-changing birth of your children. For instance, you might want to NOT say this:
"I can’t even express the extreme serenity that came over me once I saw my children inside me."
You may want to rephrase that a little.
But here's the thing: If you're a former porn star, you may want to watch what you say regarding the life-changing birth of your children. For instance, you might want to NOT say this:
"I can’t even express the extreme serenity that came over me once I saw my children inside me."
You may want to rephrase that a little.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Weiner News
MAYBE THIS IS ALL FOR THE BEST.
After all, America is just now getting used to its first black president. Maybe it is too soon for us to think about electing a hot dog as mayor.
I mean, I'm ready for it. But I'm not sure the rest of America is.
After all, America is just now getting used to its first black president. Maybe it is too soon for us to think about electing a hot dog as mayor.
I mean, I'm ready for it. But I'm not sure the rest of America is.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Something Could Save Your Life
IT'S A VERY CONFUSING WEEK at the newsstand. I feel like there's something I should know, but the major news outlets cannot decide what that thing is.
Well, at least they've got it narrowed down. It's like the finale of The Bachelor! Stem cell research and stress are the two sexy ladies the lucky bachelor (America) might end up with...but who will we choose!
Psych! We'll choose one then dump it, then choose the other! But in the long run, we'll end up with neither. Neither stem cell research nor stress will save our lives. Wow, we're such suckers.
Well, at least they've got it narrowed down. It's like the finale of The Bachelor! Stem cell research and stress are the two sexy ladies the lucky bachelor (America) might end up with...but who will we choose!
Psych! We'll choose one then dump it, then choose the other! But in the long run, we'll end up with neither. Neither stem cell research nor stress will save our lives. Wow, we're such suckers.
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