File Under: Ba-Dunk-A-Dunk

MAN, I REALLY HATE IT when my body image makes the news.



But then again, maybe I do need the reminder that it's time for me to do something about my gigantic puffy red ass.

Your Two Options

I GUESS YOU CAN TAKE THIS AS A POSITIVE SIGN. Whether you choose UP or DN, you're still going up.



I photographed this at my dentist's office, who, for reals, is named Dr. Yap. I guess I was taking for granted that DN meant "down." Maybe DN actually does mean "up and to the left a little." In which case, my bad. And also, please direct me to the elevators that take me down. Down and to the right will work also. My car is somewhere in that direction.

The Best Part of The News

IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED what newscasters do during commercial, this should provide an answer.



I like to imagine that Walter Cronkite did exactly that. Now, if you're thinking, as I did about halfway through, that this is somehow faked, it isn't. Here's a story from the Chicago Tribune about this complicated routine.

Whoops!

ALL I WILL SAY IS WHOOPS.

Medical Breakthrough!

HERE'S A HEADLINE I NEVER THOUGHT I'D READ.

More Circus Mash

IT'S TIME TO MASH UP THE CIRCUS AGAIN. As a reminder, I'm generally not entertained by Family Circus unless I swap the original punchline for a punchline from another single-panel cartoon like Marmaduke, as I have done here.

In this installment, the kids are still showing very little respect to their elders.



They don't seem to understand animals at all...



...or maybe they understand them better then any of us do.



Ultimately, I'm never really sure just what the hell those kids are up to.

This Is Outrageous

THIS IS MATT MAHAFFEY. He's the man behind an awesome band called Self and also another cool band called Wired All Wrong. Sometimes he just plays whole songs by himself like this.