Is A Vote Really Necessary Now?

STOP YOUR PUNDITRY, PEOPLE! The Republican nominee for president has already been chosen. Total Gym huckster and Ass-Kicker Extraordinaire Chuck Norris has chimed in (finally!) with his endorsement of...

...drum roll please...

Ex-Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee! So far, the Huckabee camp has not responded to this certainly influential nod from Walker, Texas Ranger. You can rest assured that a press release regarding this news is imminent. Norris made his announcement last night on the World Net Daily website with an extensive piece articulating the pros and lack of cons about Huckabee in '08.

"Like most of you, over the summer and into the fall," Norris says, "I've been watching, listening, studying and praying about who could lead this country as our next president. I won't leave you in suspense."

Ever the man of his word, Chuck drops his truth bomb on America's think-domes: "Though Giuliani might be savvy enough to lead people, Fred Thompson wise enough to wade through the tides of politics, McCain tough enough to fight terrorism and Romney business-minded enough to grow our economy, I believe the only one who has all of the characteristics to lead America forward into the future is ex-Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee."

Norris cites Huckabee's strength of character, his self-made upbringing, his compassion, his membership in the NRA and, of course, his religiosity (my word, not his). "Mike is also a respected and fearless leader, and he does not cower to the cries of any majority or minority. He doesn't abandon his values for what's expedient. Like our Founding Fathers, he's not afraid to stand up for a Creator and against secularist beliefs."

Don't worry if that's not exactly how you remember the Founding Fathers. Because if you remember it differently, you are simply mistaken. Also, you will be corrected by a severe ass-kicking by Chuck Norris himself.

Now, to bring it all home, here's an awesome Walker Texas Ranger clip, courtesy of Conan O'Brien.