Spotlight Boner

BUYING PRESENTS FOR MY DAD has always been tough. So I have always taken the easy way out and just bought him classic TV shows on DVD. He loves TV. He loves to laugh. And I like easy answers. So when I saw the half-hour infomercial hosted by Regis Philbin about the release of The Dean Martin Variety Show on DVD, naturally I thought, "That would make a good present for my dad." In full disclosure, I must add that I thought that after my wife said, "I guess I know what you're getting your dad for his birthday now." She's smart like that.

Because my dad's birthday isn't until August (and Father's Day is sometime right before that right?), I took note of the web address rather than phone the 1-800 number right away and dropped by the site for a look around. This is what greeted me.





Yes, your eyes do not deceive you. That's Dean Martin leaning back and showing the world his double spotlight boner. He seems rather pleased, self-satisfied even. It's either that Deano has two columns of light where his man-junk should be, or that he has two tiny spotlights installed next to his business to announce his boner as if every time he has a boner it's a red carpet event. As if to say, "Welcome to the premiere, ladies! The world premiere of my boner!"

That said, I'll probably still get the DVDs for my dad. Dean Martin's spotlight boner aside, my dad's sort of hard to buy presents for.