Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Spam Thirty-Nine: Steps

JUST A REMINDER, this Internets (the same one that you are reading right now) is filled with all kinds of useful stuff. If you are smart, you can “get your medicaments online.” Yes, medicaments are readily available! Also available: a wide variety of boner info.

Do you, for instance, want to “give your partner new feelings while you have a sex”? Or are you happy with the same old feeling while you have a sex? Because if you “wanna have a strong royal python, not a weak worm” this Internets has plenty of answers for you, like helping you “touch her heart with your new babymaker.”

That would be a new feeling while you have a sex, huh? I’m not sure it would be all that pleasurable for either person involved, but it does fall under the category of new feelings. Disturbing new feelings. Using your new deadly babymaker.

Now, hold onto your shit! We set a record in the spam-o-verse this week by 20 whole emails. Just three shy of 1,600. For some reason, I’m really excited about topping that plateau.

I have problems.

Somebody has to go back and get a shitload of Charts!

SPAM WATCH WEEK THIRTY-NINE
1,597 emails
BMS = 34% (unchanged)

((1/1)) -- 542 Boner Medication (169 VPXL, 57 Viagra/Cialis, 33 Megadik, 27 Penis Patch, 13 WonderCum, 13 LNH Maxdik, 10 MaxGain, 5 PowerEnlarge, 5 Erectifix)
((2/2)) -- 340 Canadian/Online Pharmacy
((3/4)) -- 207 Luxury Replica Watches/Purses
((4/3)) -- 134 Get Out Of Debt/Loan Approval
((5/5)) -- 52 Inspecific “Look at this!”
((6/6)) -- 49 Fake Email News Alerts (25 MSNBC.com, 9 CNN)
((7/7)) -- 45 Some Celebrity Sex Related Link or Zip File (10 Angelina)
((8/8)) -- 37 Weight Loss (Anatrim/Hoodia)
((9/10)) -- 30 Pheromones
((10/12)) -- 29 Online Casino
((11/12)) -- 26 Human Growth Hormone
((12/9)) -- 24 OEM Software
((13/16)) -- 17 Improve Your Health
((14/11)) -- 15 Olympic Themed Spam
((15/17)) -- 11 Stop Smoking
((16/22)) -- 8 View Your Suspicious Ecard Online
((17/20)) -- 7 Online Dating Site
((18/15)) -- 6 Stock News
((19/20)) -- 5 Validate Your Identity (2 Lloyd’s TSB, Chase, 2 Google AdWords)
((20/12)) -- 3 Foreign Gibberish
((20/--)) -- 3 Free Dowloadable Porn DVDs
((22/17)) -- 2 Earn Your Degree
((23/24)) -- 1 Job Offer/Employee Search
((23/22)) -- 1 Hong Kong Bank Scam
((23/--)) -- 1 Do Not Visit This Illegal Websites!
((23/--)) -- 1 Electronic Products Wholesale
((23/--)) -- 1 Trackstick GPS


KEY:
BMS = Boner Medication Saturation
((this week's rank/last week's rank))
-- = new to the chart this week


2 comments:

Jennifer Innes said...

"Deadly Babymaker" A bringer of life and death! I laughed so loud at work people thought I was crying.

amy in ct said...

i liked
View Your Suspicious Ecard Online
that made me laugh