Spam Thirty-Five: Naked Angelina, Serial Killers & Tornadoes

LOTS OF FAKE NEWS ABOUT ANGELINA JOLIE in this week’s spam bag. First there was the deluge of Naked Angelina Jolie Movie emails, enough, in fact, to easily capture the #7 slot. Then, there was the horrifying subject line of “Pregnancy bleed forces Jolie to abort.” But that was leavened with the message inside the spam that said, “Official Beatles reunion to start in August, get your tickets now!”

It’s an interesting marketing ploy on the part of The Beatles. On one hand, it does get the attention of the audience, much in the same way that “Boobs! Now that I’ve gotten your attention, I’d like to talk to you about insurance” does. However, I remain unconvinced that associating your band (even if it is The Beatles) with abortion is a good way to increase ticket sales. Conversely, I think associating insurance with boobs is probably a good idea for the insurance industry. But maybe I just don’t know anything about marketing.

In other nonsensical spam news, I noticed an interesting trend in subject line/message pairings that played out like a weird sing-songy poem. It began with this three-spam sequence:

[subject] / [message]
Free tickets to Mariah Carey concert / Serial killer loves to party
Serial killer loves to party / You are about to get fired
You are about to get fired / Serial killer loves to party

I don’t know whether it’s good news or not that the serial killer loves to party. Is seems as though it’s meant to make him seem more personable to me, but he’s still a serial killer, so I think I’ll pass on partying with him, if you don’t mind. Additionally, if it’s good news that the serial killer loves to party, it’s absolutely bad news that I’m about to get fired. So, the mixed message is very confusing.

The sing-song pattern was repeated in what seemed like a Beat-era poem that I will reprint below :

[subject] / [message]
Describe your day / Wanna be cool?
Describe your day / It may shock you!
It may shock you! / Tornado!
Tornado! / Wanna be cool?
Describe your day / Vulcan!

The answer is, yes, tornadoes do shock me! Yes, I do wanna be cool! And, finally, yes, I do wanna be a Vulcan!

Chart long and prosper!

SPAM WATCH WEEK THIRTY-FIVE
1,304 emails
BMS = 31% (down 3%)

((1/1)) -- 401 Boner Medication (75 VPXL, 56 Viagra/Cialis, 44 PowerEnlarge, 18 MaxGain, 10 WonderCum, 9 LNH Maxdik, 7 MaxHerbal, 6 Erectifix, 1 Megadik)
((2/2)) -- 286 Canadian/Online Pharmacy
((3/3)) -- 196 Luxury Replica Watches/Purses
((4/4)) -- 88 OEM Software
((5/5)) -- 54 Get Out Of Debt/Loan Approval
((5/8)) -- 54 Inspecific “Look at this!”
((7/--)) -- 50 Promises of Naked Angelina Jolie Movie
((8/6)) -- 33 Online Casino
((9/7)) -- 26 Weight Loss (Anatrim/Hoodia)
((10/14)) -- 19 Validate Your Identity (6 Capital One, 5 PayPal, 3 eBay)
((11/12)) -- 16 Improve Your Health
((12/15)) -- 14 Earn Your Degree
((13/9)) -- 12 Stop Smoking
((14/10)) -- 11 Human Growth Hormone
((14/11)) -- 11 Pheromones
((16/17)) -- 9 Foreign Gibberish
((17/16)) -- 7 Buy Designer Footwear
((17/19)) -- 7 Online Dating Site
((19/13)) -- 6 Free Dowloadable Porn DVDs
((20/18)) -- 2 Job Offer/Employee Search
((21/19)) -- 1 Stock News
((21/--)) -- 1 Confirm Your Online Winning (Dayzers Lottery Netherland)

KEY:
BMS = Boner Medication Saturation
((this week's rank/last week's rank))
-- = new to the chart this week