Spam Forty-One: The Baby Hijackers!

SURE, PART OF THE LESSON LEARNED THIS WEEK was about ramming. You haven’t heard about the ramming? Well, according to my spams, there was a survey and “ramming and jamming has been surveyed to be the best way to bang a girl.” But, apparently, it has to be both of them. You can’t just ram and you can’t just jam. You have to do both.

And for most weeks that would be the main thing I talk about, but there was some dramatic breaking news just as I was going to press. (Because that’s what blogs do. They go to press.) I got the following email:

Hey, We have hijacked your baby!
But you must pay once to us $50,000. The details we will send later…
We has attached photo of your fume

Apparently, my “fume” was in the form of a Zip file, which I should probably open if I want my baby to be un-hijacked. I wonder where the kidnappers are going to fly my kidnapped baby. I probably shouldn’t ask questions. I should probably just pay once to them $50,000. I guess I’m just supposed to email it back to them.

Oh wait, maybe this new spam has the answer for me, maybe this latest spam will tell me what to do. Let’s see what it says:

“Thunder fountain!”

Hmmmm. That was less helpful than I thought.

Aww, come on, guys! It’s so simple! Maybe you need a refresher Chart.

SPAM WATCH WEEK FORTY-ONE
1,786 emails
BMS = 31% (up 1%)

((1/1)) -- 558 Boner Medication (113 VPXL, 75 Viagra/Cialis, 27 Megadik, 22 Penis Patch, 15 WonderCum, 13 LNH Maxdik, 10 Erectifix, 8 MaxGain, 5 PowerEnlarge)
((2/2)) -- 400 Canadian/Online Pharmacy
((3/3)) -- 248 Luxury Replica Watches/Purses
((4/4)) -- 188 Get Out Of Debt/Loan Approval
((5/8)) -- 81 Inspecific “Look at this!”
((6/7)) -- 43 Weight Loss (Anatrim/Hoodia)
((7/6)) -- 36 Online Casino
((8/11)) -- 31 Human Growth Hormone
((9/10)) -- 27 OEM Software
((10/5)) -- 25 Some Celebrity Sex Related Link or Zip File (10 Paris Hilton, 8 Britney Spears, 3 Angelina Jolie)
((10/8)) -- 25 Pheromones
((12/12)) -- 22 Stop Smoking
((12/14)) -- 22 Validate Your Identity (7 Bank of America)
((14/15)) -- 21 Improve Your Health
((15/16)) -- 11 Please Watch This Non-Celebrity Sex Video
((16/--)) -- 10 View Your Suspicious Ecard Online
((17/21)) -- 9 Online Dating Site
((18/13)) -- 8 Foreign Gibberish
((19/16)) -- 4 Earn Your Degree
((19/--)) -- 4 We Have Hijacked Your Baby (with Zip File)
((21/19)) -- 3 Buy Designer Footwear
((21/--)) -- 3 Stock News
((23/18)) -- 2 Job Offer/Employee Search
((23/--)) -- 2 Pain Relief
((23/--)) -- 2 You’re Invited to Classmates Day
((26/25)) -- 1 Bigger/Better Breasts

KEY:
BMS = Boner Medication Saturation
((this week's rank/last week's rank))
-- = new to the chart this week