Wednesday, January 2, 2008

The Beards Go On

I AM ON STRIKE. I don't mean this in any hyperbolic way. I mean it literally. As a member of the Writers Guild of America, I have been on strike since the beginning of November. If you don't know exactly what we're striking for, just read the papers and believe what the producers and studio execs are saying. (Because why would they lie?)

We are striking to destroy Hollywood.

Once we have accomplished that, we'll go back to what we normally do. For me and more than half of the WGA members, that means going back to being an unemployed writer. Trust me, it's wayyyyy more dignified than "striking writer." Also, it requires far less exercise, but (luckily) the same amount of Xbox.

As it happens, I made a decision during the first week of the strike that I had no idea would be so popular. With people other than my mother, that is. That decision? To put my razor on strike as well, and to grow a "strike beard." More on this particular beard a little later. When I decided to stop shaving, in perhaps my bravest moment as an adult male, I had no idea just how popular my decision would be...until this very evening. The evening of the return of the late night talk show hosts.

Let us for a moment put aside Jay Leno and Craig Ferguson, and speak only of Conan and Dave. Actually, I will not speak. I will let the pictures speak.

Coincidence? That seems unlikely. It must have been design. I must have been in cahoots with Conan and Dave. Or, at the very least, as lazy and unwilling to shave as they were.

Conan even referred to his as a "strike beard," much as I did, mere moments ago in this very blog. So, I was ahead of the curve...or at least exactly in sync with the curve. Okay, I admit that Conan and Dave show an ability to grow a full and complete beard whereas I can't muster much more than a sad adolescent-seeming attempt at facial hair. I admit it. I will also admit that my nephew, who is 23, can grow a fuller more convincing beard, and has been able to do so since he was 17. In fact, he can do it in under a week.

My beard, on the other hand, the beard of a 41-year-old, is still patchy and thin, even after over two months. It is also much grayer than I'd hoped for. As a bonus, it inspired my mother to say, "You look like a terrorist!" So mission accomplished on that front.

All that aside, I feel I'm making my point, as a writer on strike. This beard is a threat, producers, and it's not going away until there's a fair deal on the table.

Yeah! Take THAT!


Trish Berrong said...

I'd like to request a clearer, better lit picture of The Strike Beard.

Jared Brustad said...

My beard could kick your beard in the crotch 8 days a week.