Thursday, October 30, 2008

Spam Forty-Nine: The Case of the Stolen Spam

I’M NOT NAMING NAMES, but you know who you are. Somebody out there stole anywhere between 400 and 600 emails. I know that I was tardy in finishing this week’s Spam Chart, but that was no reason to steal my emails. On Tuesday night, I had over 1200 of them, and then this morning, less than 900. The upshot is I now have 800 fewer emails than last week. Sure, any ordinary person would be pleased with a one-week drop of spam like that. But I’m studying spam for science, people! This is not a joke!

Okay, okay, I’m sorry I yelled. Look, I don’t care who did it. I don’t need a confession. I just want my spam back. And since I’m having some “security issues” with my emails, I’d prefer it if you hand-delivered them. Just leave them on my doorstep and I’ll take care of the rest.

Thank you.

I’m not even sure that’s a crime anymore. There’ve been a lot of changes in the Chart.

867 emails
BMS = 29% (up 6%)

((1/2)) -- 256 Boner Medication (75 Viagra/Cialis, 64 Penis Patch, 11 Erectifix, 7 VPXL, 3 MaxGain, 1 Megadik)
((2/1)) -- 253 Canadian/Online Pharmacy
((3/3)) -- 45 Get Out Of Debt/Loan Approval
((4/6)) -- 44 Would You Chat With Me? (I Am Lonely & Probably Naked)
((5/11)) -- 35 Luxury Replica Watches/Purses
((5/4)) -- 35 Online Casino
((7/5)) -- 31 Weight Loss (Anatrim/Phentermine)
((8/8)) -- 23 Pheromones
((9/7)) -- 22 Human Growth Hormone
((10/15)) -- 21 Validate Your Identity (4 Bank of America, 4 Wachovia, 4 Associated Bank)
((11/11)) -- 20 OEM Software
((12/9)) -- 17 Stop Smoking
((13/10)) -- 16 Foreign Gibberish
((14/15)) -- 12 Inspecific “Look at this!”
((15/13)) -- 8 Improve Your Health
((16/18)) -- 7 Earn Your Degree
((16/14)) -- 7 Job Offer/Employee Search
((18/--)) -- 6 Please Watch This Non-Celebrity Sex Video
((19/16)) -- 4 View Your Suspicious Ecard Online
((20/18)) -- 2 You Won the Cyber Lotto
((21/18)) -- 1 Pain Relief
((21/--)) -- 1 We Have Your Package (Open the Zip File!)
((21/--)) -- 1 Embroideries!

BMS = Boner Medication Saturation
((this week's rank/last week's rank))
-- = new to the chart this week


Anonymous said...

Embroideries???? Now the grannies are spamming?? I need to call my grannie to make sure she hasn't opened a rogue spamming network.

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