Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Spam Forty-Eight: Hours

IT’S A TUMULTUOUS TIME ON THE CHART! After a 20% increase in overall spam, three categories dropped off the Top Ten and three new categories took their place. Almost every spot on the chart was up for grabs this week. Canadian/Online Pharmacy rocketed into the top spot, out-performing Boner Meds by more than 200 emails. While the Chart’s BMS was 23% this week, the C/OPS (Canadian/Online Pharmacy Saturation) was nearly 37%. Luxury Replica Watches/Purses lost more than 120 emails to drop out of the Top Ten (from #3 to #11) for the first time maybe ever. And Please Watch This Non-Celebrity Sex Video dropped entirely off the Chart.

Yeah. I know. It’s been a wild ride.

But at least the Lord is on our side. At least, that’s my assumption after receiving two identical emails from Mrs. Roesel Kunie.

“I am the above named person from France,” Mrs. Kunie began, explaining that her husband, who had worked with the “France Embassy in America for seven years before he died in the year 2006...after a brief illness that lasted for only two weeks.”

Luckily, Mrs. Kunie and her husband were not only born-again Christians, but they were also totally loaded, to the tune of “24Million Dollars (twenty four Million United State Dollars” which Mr. Kunie had deposited “on the safe deposit box with the bank. Europe.”

Now the sad news: “Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next four months due to cancer Problem.” Wait…there’s more. “Though what disturbs me most is my stroke sickness.”

Naturally, Mrs. Kunie wants to give me her money. Well, 30% of it -- my calculator tells me that’s $7.2 million United State Dollars! -- provided I do not use that money “in an ungodly manner.”

She continues: “I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. The lord he will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I don’t need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health and because of the presence of my husband’s relatives around me always. I don’t want them to know about this development.”

That sounds like a totally Christian thing to do!

Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good Chart at your side, kid.

1,679 emails
BMS = 23% (down 8%)

((1/2)) -- 617 Canadian/Online Pharmacy
((2/1)) -- 392 Boner Medication (125 Penis Patch, 109 Viagra/Cialis, 31 Erectifix, 25 VPXL, 4 MaxGain, 3 WonderCum, 3 LNH Maxdik, 2 PowerEnlarge)
((3/4)) -- 147 Get Out Of Debt/Loan Approval
((4/10)) -- 93 Online Casino
((5/7)) -- 76 Weight Loss (Anatrim/Phentermine)
((6/6)) -- 51 Would You Chat With Me? (I Am Lonely & Probably Naked)
((7/8)) -- 38 Human Growth Hormone
((8/11)) -- 35 Pheromones
((9/15)) -- 34 Stop Smoking
((10/13)) -- 30 Foreign Gibberish
((11/3)) -- 29 Luxury Replica Watches/Purses
((11/14)) -- 29 OEM Software
((13/11)) -- 25 Improve Your Health
((14/20)) -- 21 Job Offer/Employee Search
((15/9)) -- 19 Validate Your Identity (6 Bank of America, 6 eBay)
((15/5)) -- 19 Inspecific “Look at this!”
((16/17)) -- 7 View Your Suspicious Ecard Online
((17/17)) -- 5 Some Celebrity Sex Related Link or Zip File (4 Angelina, 1 Britney)
((18/17)) -- 3 Pain Relief
((18/23)) -- 3 Earn Your Degree
((18/25)) -- 3 Bank Scam (2 “Trust In The Lord” Bank Scam)
((18/--)) -- 3 You Won the Cyber Lotto

BMS = Boner Medication Saturation
((this week's rank/last week's rank))
-- = new to the chart this week

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