Sunday, December 7, 2008

Me & My Sinuses Get Along Great!

THIRTEEN THINGS I Would Rather Have Endured Than the Illness I Had This Last Week.

1. A lingering open-mouthed kiss from Rip Torn after he smoked a pack of Camel unfilters with a whiskey & coffee chaser
2. A weekend-long Full House marathon
3. Watching a naked Donald Trump admire himself in a triple-mirror for the better part of an hour
4. Having a mouth full of hot sand
5. Going back to college for an 18-credit semester of all 8 a.m. classes
6. Being punched in the face by a professional football player
7. Watching someone else read the entire Sunday New York Times
8. Eating an entire cardboard box
9. Talking about my feelings with my father
10. A Phish concert with special guests Rusted Root and Blues Traveler
11. Wearing a wet alpaca sweater in Phoenix in June
12. Stuffing 200 cotton balls into my sinus cavity
13. A full-body waxing administered by angry exes

1 comment:

Fowler Jones said...

The first time I read this I thought it said Rip Taylor instead of Rip Torn.

By the way, if you're interested, I know a guy who can arrange a thing with Rip Taylor, if you want to explore that.