Now Hiring

Ways in which our team is "winning" include, but are not limited to, at-home perms and questionable blazer-blouse choices.

One Deadly Pickle

I guess it depends on where you stick it.

How Much Should I Charge For My Flap?

You can try to charge more, but you'd better have a really spectacular flap.

The Sluttiest Parking Lot

Great, now my car has chlamydia.

When a Kangaroo Loves a Woman

SOMETIMES THEY DO IT KANGAROO-STYLE.



That's the subtext of this ad, right? Because the nice lady with the pretty hair is definitely getting serviced from behind by the plushie kangaroo.

I'm not criticizing this advertising strategy. I just think it limits the demographic appeal of the product.

To Be Perfectly Honest

I WASN'T ALWAYS A PHARMACIST.

Get Your Shit Together, Sheep!

There Are Good Memories And Bad Memories

AND THEN THERE'S THIS.



I like to think that the copywriter who came up with that gem wrote it down, pushed back from his desk and then said, quietly to himself, "Nailed it!"

This Is NOT Charlie Sheen's Breakfast

FOR OBVIOUS REASONS.

For An Original Glow

ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES! When you need a glow, a glow you can TRUST. Go to the original.

Just Got Back From Costco

I THOUGHT I'D STOCK UP on newborn babies. I got all different flavors.



Let me know if you need one, I've got plenty.

Better Than The Beatles

IF WE ARE TO JUDGE THIS PERFORMANCE solely on the basis of the height of the waistband.



As my wife said, the pants "really accent his dingle-dangle."

Clearing Things Up

I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED, so I hope it's okay to ask a simple question.

Is this how sex works?

Just a Suggestion

THEY GO ESPECIALLY WELL with the bone-in ribeye and Chianti Classico you have ordered.

Career Cut Short By Giggling

I AM ALWAYS FORGETTING WHAT MINE ARE FOR.



Some music historians would later argue that it was the unfortunate title of this album that kept the name Svetlana Gruebbersolvik from becoming a household name.

{via The Daily What}

Come For the Haircut, Stay for the VCRs

WHAT'S BETTER THAN WATCHING SOMETHING ON YOUR VCR? Watching some VCRs!

SPOILER ALERT: Panasonic is best!

Grammar Are Important

THE NEW YORK POST IS ALWAYS RIGHT.


Will your cell phone save your man life?

The Best Action Sequence Ever

ATTENTION: HOLLYWOOD! You just got served!

Chair Shock!

THE REAL MYSTERY IS what is he looking at?

Conan the Thespian

FINALLY, THE CONAN MOVIE WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.